YOU

Wow! been a while since i wrote something. i dont even remember when the last time was. i was just looking at my previous posts and realised that the last time i posted were during the mumbai terror attacks. been about 4-5 months ( i think ).

well, life is rolling on. its been a mixed 4 months. made a few new friends as well as lost a few. last week was a bit of a shit one. its funny how relationships change people. when a person is in a 'im single' perspective, its often so easy to talk about how he/she will be when committed with someone.

quite often, the words uttered remain just that - pure nonsensical words. i think life is a learning experience. when one applies learning, he is successful and when one doesnt, he fails. i sometimes fail to understand why people cry endlessly over failed relationships. they so often stop themselves from playing fully as well as living fully. i do agree that it is the loss of someone special in you life, but, at a very broader extent, it is also about YOU. its about what YOU want and about your dreams.

a lot of times in life, one can get carried away by circumstances. circumstances occur everywhere and at everytime. when in a relationship, life is usually like a river with no end. an endless horizon. but when the break up happens, we find ourselves with two legs in two different boats, and whats quite amusing sometimes is, us wanting both the boats.

the past week has been a week of numerous breakthroughs. quite frankly, these past 8 months have made me somewhat, stronger. it is sometimes nice to be a '3rd person' in someones relationship. you witness and you learn. i dont know for a fact if i will apply this learning in my future relationships, but what i DO KNOW is that i will not let a circumstance affect me. i am bound to change as a person, but i will be aware to the change. a lot of people say that ive become quite 'hard-hearted'. the funny thing is, i like who i am.

i think for the first time in my life, i am focusing on myself. which is why, probably, i do not have time for love. this doesnt meant that i am not open to it. but what i know for a fact is that if i do fall in love, my life remains the prime focus. it does not shift for anything or for anyone. i have dreams to achieve and damn it i will achieve them even if its the last thing i do before i die.

Mumbai Burns.....

i think it was at 6 pm last evening when i heard about the Mumbai Attacks. some people were saying it was a terror bomb attack. some were saying it was a terrorist group. i actually found out what it was when i got back home. trust me, it was horrific.

it is by far the worst and the biggest terror attack any major city in the WORLD has ever experienced. over 125 killed, over 300 injured. chaos everywhere. does mumbai deserve this?? for that matter...does the world deserve this?? just imagine...a man returning from a hard days work, who just wants to go back to his loving wife and kids, never makes it home. a housewife who visits the market with hopes of cooking a delicious meal for her family, never returns to fulfill her hope. innocent lives lost in the blink of an eye. sad innit?

patriotism is such a funny thing you know? when youre in ure country its just one of the things thats said. but when ure 15000 kms away, its really felt. ever since ive come to the uk all ive been doing is raving and chewing on my housemates brains about India. damn! now i realise what it means to be an Indian. it is nothing short of pride ad honour. its the best thing that can happen to any human being in this world. i love you india.

tears are actually flowing down as i type this paragraph. mumbai, i wish there was something i could do for you. its harder to digest when you feel helpless. i can imagine the trauma the people are going through even as i type this. if not physically, mentally i am with you. youre mumbai, you will bounce back from this. the heart mumbai has is respected all over india. youre india's heart. dont give up. the bastards behind this will have their judgement day. we have to be paitent.

there is nothing more i can really say. but, on behalf of all the indians here in the UK, our love and prayers are with you, always. god be with you.

25..and a lifetime ahead to go !

whoa! im 25 now. suddenly feels old. yeah. i know its been really long since ive posted. thought ill take this opportunity to pen a few lines/thoughts.

its been a ridiculous journey you know? from a guy who was lost and had no ambition to someone whose got the grit and willpower to take anything down. this is the first bday im spending away from home. feels a little wierd you know. the past few years i would have my mum or dad walk up to me, while i was in bed and whisper " happy birthday sweetheart " in my ears. just so different this time.

but nevertheless, ive grown out of the initial depression now. ive made some good friends now. and for once im getting the feeling that im in great company. had a wicked party last friday and the wickedness will definitely continue this friday ;) .

just thought ill take this time to acknowledge some people whove played vital roles in my life so far.

Amma and Pappa - never really told you this, but i love you to death. The amount of shit uve gone thru with and because of me is unfortunate, but the greatest thing is uve stood by me every single moment, and i really appreciate that. Thanks for who youve been to me. Youre the best gift i could ever have.

Sanat - If theres one name i mention everytime i socialise, its you man. i will never ever forget and will always cherish the times weve spent hogging dosas at ctr, checkin out hot women! haha man...we are MAD! thanks for standing by me and being my absolute confidant.

Swati - u adorable little girl you! my second sister. im so glad that the lord chose me to be your bro. uve stood by me girl. uve made me see things i never realised existed. thanks for being who you are and no matter what you will always and i mean always be a part of my innermost circle. cheers!

Veena - waddap sistaa...dont need to write much here. never really told you this, but ure an inspiration to me. will get you back loads of chocolates ;) love u loads.

Punju - if i was asked the question " Who in you opinion are History Makers? " you, my friend, would feature in that list. ure creating wonders. and im backing you all the way. i miss those time i spent with u n swati. get ure skinny ass to the UK. love u brother! thanks for being there.

Krishna - ill just say one thing man. thanks for being who you are for me n swati. ure a blessing to her dude. thanks a lot

Maya - ure quiet, but u pack quite a punch dont u? ure a star maya. ure gonna be very successful in ure life and im backing u all the way. looking forward to some brilliant times in he near future

The list goes on and on and on...but to all of you and the ones that i havent mentioned ( you know who you are ) thanks so much for being there for me. every little or major of your contribution to my life has made me what i am today. i hold all of you in the highest of regard. love all of you.

xxxxxxxx

The Sheffield Story Pt. 2

Man! wat a week! hardly slept this week...prolly just abt a few hours in the morning....great week though..had an asskicking assignment..but was able to get thru it. ive got a fair idea of what the course has to offer me in the coming weeks. its gonna be tough. but its gonna be fun.

my heart has slowly started to accept that im at a new place. ive actually started liking sheffield. found so many indian restaurants to start off. made a few really good friends. had a very nice and heart warming dinner last night at the building. having a party wednesday. looking forward to it.

have had some briliant conversatons about ife on the whole with a few people that have also enabled me to grow.

the weeks been brilliant huh? the smiles back on my face..im getting back to who i was! lucky for some..unlucky for the rest! haha :D

The Sheffield Story...Pt.1

03-10-2008, 17.29 - my room seems to be a place where i can just sit n wander off into thoughts. its sometimes so random ranging from the people i met today to the stupid model of cartoon character i saw at the shop that cost 22 qiud and drove me away.

finally got to talk to my mum and hear voices from home. for a moment, just a moment i felt the warmth. but then reality just hits you sometimes doesnt it? like a tight slap across your face.

they say that such experiences of staying alone and experiencing life makes you stronger. seems to be that what theyre saying is coming true. its also making me a lot more reserved. just the other day i was sitting at the table with the other guys from my building and the place seemed as if i did not exist. not because they were ignoring me. its just that i cant talk. i cant be myself. its sometimes scary to imagine the person im becoming.

ill be travelling to birmingham next week come what may. i have to. its gonna be an emotional reunion of two really great friends. im talking abt swati. my little sister :)

its really been a while. i still remember the last time i met her and we just spoke and spoke. damn i miss those days where ive coached the hell outta her! ive grown so much from those moments and from those days.

well, those days are coming back. may not be back home. but who the fuck cares. theyre coming back.

you know ive just realised that this has affected me so much. damn..this is actually the hardest thing ive experienced since my grandmas death. oh that was painful. you sometimes get into this space of sabotaging yourself dont you? telling yourself that your really ok and our fine. ive sabotaged myself enough.

this blog seems to be giving me breakthroughs after breakthroughs. great place so far!

PARADIGM SHIFT....

Its really gotta SHIFT. 10X...100X . Expressing myself freely. Telling someone how i feel for starts

Just realised this as i was typing the second post....

A blog is like a confidant. You pour your heart out to it and then it will ALL BE FINE ;)

A new phase...Sheffield, England..Part 2

by the time i finished writing my last post..i was so emotional that i really couldnt go on.

well, anyway, thought i must tell you about sheffield. to start off, great city. quite a clean place. the first impression you get is kind of, gothic. dunno why i just wrote tat but yeah. gothic.

the citys got an industrial background. very famous for its steel and hence called the steel city. i guess its the 5th ( not really sure ) largets city in England. the pictures of the building probably explain what im talking about.

other than that sheffields got loads of supermarkets. shops, malls n stuff. its actually more of a student city. nowadays international students coming to england has become such a huge source of income for the country which has such a flimsy economy. no wonder they charge more than double for internationals.

back to sheffield...since its such a student dominated city. shops/malls across sheffield offer quite deep discounts to students. the discounts are pretty competitive.

loads of restaurants. especially junk food ones. man. can these goras eat!!!! everything is served here with chips..oil soaked saltless finger chips....tastes like shit if youre used to the sub-continental style of cooking.

fish-n-chips is an absolute delicacy here. the fish tastes great, fried and good amount of salt. for a description of the chips look above.

now coming to the part i love. the indian and pakistani restaurants. man..is sheffield full of them!!!! theres this place called Spital Hill ( short for Hospital Hill. Dont ask me why..im still trying to figure out the yorkshire accent ). well, about spital hill. theres this place called Manu Salwar. awesome pakistani food. u really feel like ure in a mini-india when ure there u know? as u enter the incredible smell of tandoori kababs fil the air. people shouting out the " gaalis ". man..i felt that im back home for a minute.

went to this sexy place called Kebabish ( Pakistani, knows hindi and prices rock...so does the taste and quantity ) just before class today..what a feast i had...incredible....

thats the food part. now to the part abt goras a.k.a firangis a.k.a brits a.k.a whatever you wanna call them.

now, sheffield for some ugly reason has invented its own form of the english lingo. let me give you a few examples with the hindi translation:

1. Hi, Are you alright - namaskar, dimag theek hai?
now, this right here is supposed to mean Hi, how are you. and if u react to this statement, they find it offensive!! how cool is that??? idiots!

2. U alright LOVE? - dimag theek hai pyaare?
i literally laughed my head off for this one. especially when i was typing the translation. now, right here isnt supposed to mean that the other person loves the other. they just say it, you know, " pyaar se ". well, the " pyaar " really seems to achieve new heights here in sheffield coz men call other men love here.

now to the other part. england is sort of an upside down, topsy turvy country. now tell me what shops are supposed to do....welcome you buy right? but guess what!! shops in england drive you away..know why? coz of the sexy price tags on the exhibits!! theyre literally sky high.

people in england literally have the " party every night rule ". when it comes to exam time, im very eager to see these guys PARTY. coz theyll experience a different party. and that will worth attending ;) haha.

well, i guess ive absolutely taken the brit trip here. more to follow in my next post.

cheers! hope you had fun reading this :) .